Conquering Fears
I’m a geek.
I know, I’m probably not surprising any of you. Face it, there’s not many people who have such a mind as myself (though I still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing). But the thing I am geekiest about is… writing. Yep, surprise, right?
I’m not quite sure why I began to write. I think it was because I liked drawing, but I couldn’t draw worth squat. But as soon as I learned how to write — wow! I could draw a picture with words. Yes, they were black and white pictures, but at the same time, they were like one of those optical illusions. If you stared at it enough, you could see color and it boggled the mind.
I never thought of being anything else besides being a writer. As I experimented more with writing, I found that I really enjoyed it. Not that I really cared about what I was writing, but I could do it! And I was proud.
I never thought it could actually expand my life…
I suppose it started when I became hard on description. I wanted my stories to have a certain amount of realism, of believability. More specifically, I wanted my story, FREAK, to have an element of realism. It is my baby. It’s a sci-fi, but not a typical one, that deals with what is human and what isn’t. So, since I was dealing with terms of humanity, I began to try to put my finger on what I thought people regarded as “subhuman.”
One of my first thoughts was on ideals, ala Hitler’s concentration camps. But as I began to meditate more on the idea, what really scared me (though, at the time, I couldn’t put my finger on it) were people that looked different. And not just different, but freakishly different. Those people that you try to avoid at all costs, and when you do pass them, you look around at anyone, anything, besides them.
Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I mean the disabled. The elderly. The sick. Those weird-looking people who wander around, as high as a kite. The people I normally shy my eyes from. Yes, I admit that I’m prejudiced.
So what could I do?
Grudgingly, I began to research everything I could put my hands on. I began to study about drugs, about diseases, and about everything that I once feared. Of despression. Of mental disorders. Of death. I didn’t do it willingingly at first, mind you. I did it only for my story. As soon as I could, I intended to stop at once. But then something else happened. I got into the research, and by getting into it, I mean I was hooked. Here there were stories, true stories, of people who, faced with death or worse, succeeded. They didn’t necessarily live, mind you, but they conquered whatever their obstacle was and won. Those are the stories that are truly the best.
And you know what I found from my research? Despite everything, these people are human. They’re not freaks, quite the opposite. I have a greater understanding of their lives, and because of this, I’ve been able to (in my own little way) help them in my own community.
I’ve conquered my own fear.
Remember, when you write, it will be an adventure. Don’t be afraid to plunge into it headfirst. You might be surprised what you find…